Parshat Sh'mot
In the course of a lifetime, we encounter any number of friends. Some are friends by happenstance – friends who happen to attend school with us, happen to work where we do or reside near us. When we graduate from school, change careers, or relocate, most such friends slowly disappear from our lives – and we from theirs. But there are others, fewer, whose friendship lasts a lifetime. They are the friends we invite to our child’s bar mitzvah or wedding, even though we have not seen each other, or perhaps even spoken, for years.
In the soul of the permanent friendships that account for that deeper love, we very often find rooted some unspoken aspect of gratitude – a friendship built within the trenches and foxholes when we faced unremitting attack, the friend who opened a door and welcomed us when we were alone, the person who was “there” when others were not.
In this week’s Torah portion, Parshat Sh’mot, we see glimpses of the phenomena that lie beneath the love and gratitude. As so often happens, gratitude is not always consciously expressed. But in deeds and life behavior, the importance of gratitude – hakarat ha-tov – is a Jewish value that is at the core of our societal being.
Moshe is born into a world that has condemned him to death. In desperation, his mother instructs Miriam, Moshe’s sister, to place him in the river and to stand watch. Miriam stands guard faithfully. When Moshe is received and effectively adopted by the Pharaoh’s daughter, Miriam rapidly reports to her mother, and Yocheved appears at the palace to nurse and rear Moshe in the ways and values of the Hebrews. (Ex. 2:2-8)
In time, Moshe becomes a young man at the palace –
some Midrashic sources say he is 20, some say 40 – when he sees a
horrible persecution. As
discussed in Midrash Tanchuma, an Egyptian taskmaster has raped a Hebrew
woman in her home and now is torturing the life out of her enslaved
husband, who has learned the secret.
Moshe looks both ways – some say that he simply is assuring that
there are no witnesses; some say he is desperately looking for someone
else to stand up and do what must be done, but “he saw there is no man.
And he smote the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.”
(Ex. 2:12). Soon
after, at the first of many unpleasant encounters he will endure with
Datan and Aviram, he is compelled to flee
He reaches the wilderness of Midian, where he will
remain in relative solitude for the next forty or sixty years.
In that wilderness, as Rav Avigdor Miller has observed, he will
have time to contemplate his life’s purpose and to weigh the meaning of
his extended isolation from his persecuted people, continuing to
withhold the unique life gifts and skills he gained while he was reared
amid nobility and power. At
a well in that wilderness, he meets a shepherdess, Tzipporah, whom he
first protects from attackers, then marries at the behest of a grateful
father-in-law, Yitro the High Priest of Midian. (2:15-21)
In so doing, he perhaps unknowingly continues the nascent Hebrew
tradition that saw two of our patriarchs marry women found at the wells
– Rivkah and Rachel. All’s well that ends well.
Soon, Hashem will reveal to his brother, Aharon, that Moshe will
lead the nation to freedom, and Aharon – rejoicing in his heart (4:14) –
will come to draw Moshe back to
And thus the background. Here is how the Torah value of gratitude will play out over the next forty years. Moshe will never forget that Miriam stood by his basket floating in the water. When she later will speak adversely about him and his relationship with his wife, eliciting on her Hashem’s punishment of Biblical leprosy, Moshe patiently and lovingly will pray for her recovery and then will do as she did, waiting patiently with the nation he is leading until her status is restored. (Num. 12:11-16)
Aharon, who responded with joy to news of Moshe’s elevation over him, will be rewarded with the crown of the kehunah (“priesthood”) for all his generations. Unlike the contretemps that so gravely prevailed amid the jealousies of older Yishmael towards younger Yitzchak, older Esav towards younger Yaakov, and the older brothers towards Yosef, Aharon’s unilateral love and joy for Moshe’s elevation will seal the bond for a lifetime’s fraternity transcending genetic brotherhood.
Hashem will repay Yitro for hosting and feeding Moshe,
just as He did Lavan who hosted and fed Yaakov – notwithstanding that
each conferred hospitality for their own particular reasons – with sons
who will continue their dynasties. (Gen. 30:35, 31:1; Judges 1:16) Moshe
will honor Yitro repeatedly, first demonstratively asking his permission
to return to
Moshe, too, will demonstrate a fascinating gratitude
towards the water that saved his life in infancy and the sand that hid
the Egyptian tormentor whom he slew.
Years later, when the first plagues hit
These are the lessons of gratitude – and the wonderful impact with which this Torah value enriches the lives of those who perform great acts of friendship and those who know how to carry hakarat ha-tov within their souls.
Rabbi Dov Fischer, a member of the Rabbinical Council of California and Rabbinical Council of America, is adjunct professor of law at Loyola Law School and rabbi of an Orthodox Union congregation in Orange County.